Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Summoned (Summary & Preface)
Summary:
Bella Swan is summoned to a secret society of vampire slayers along side Edward Masen, Emmett McCarthy, Jasper Hale, Alice Brendon, Rosalie Hale, Jacob Black, and all the other Twilight characters make apperances. Bella falls in love in a world of caious and when she feels like her feet are making it to the ground it is all ripped away from her. She is alone and on a rampage. Will she find the love of her life again? Will she survie the heartbreak of a century?
Preface
The love of my life was taken from this world and now I am on a rampage. I will not rest until my revenge is complete. Bloodlust is all I see and crave, I must avenge his murder. I not only lost him, but I lost everyone that matters to me. Now I stand alone and face the evils of the world. I keep fighting even though there is a large hole in my chest. I will avenge their deaths until the day my heart no longer beats. All I want to do is make the pain go away, all I want is him back. I stood staring into the eyes of the beast and decided that I was ready to find out if there was an afterlife or not. My last thoughts were of him.
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Friday, March 19, 2010
Sneak Preview: The Sports Agent
Preview for Chapter 7 "Friends"
“That’s bullshit.” She jerked back as if I had `slapped her when my voice came out more outraged then I anticipated. “Sorry, but you are fucking Bella Swan. I can’t believe you are going to take this lying down.” I stood up and started pacing back and forth.
“Who the fuck do you think you are.” She seethed and I turned and glared at her. Is she serious?
“What?”
“You think you are so smart and you know everything, well newsflash the world isn’t black and white. I can’t just pay someone off or sweet talk my way out of this one. It just won’t work, it is either swallow my pride or loss everything.” Her voice was raised and her hands shook, I shook my head hard moving towards her.
“No, fuck that.” She got up on her knees in the bed hands on her hips suddenly looking extremely sober. “There has to be something you can do, turn them in. Blackmail their asses right back. Something, but don’t roll over and play dead. That isn’t you.”
“What do you know about me?” She yelled and her eyes glistened. “You don’t know shit, so fuck you and the horse you rode in on.” I was suddenly leaning over her our faces inches from each other I could taste her breath on my tongue. The electricity rolling around like a thunder storm, I lowered my voice staring into her intense chocolate eyes challenging her.
“That’s bullshit.” She jerked back as if I had `slapped her when my voice came out more outraged then I anticipated. “Sorry, but you are fucking Bella Swan. I can’t believe you are going to take this lying down.” I stood up and started pacing back and forth.
“Who the fuck do you think you are.” She seethed and I turned and glared at her. Is she serious?
“What?”
“You think you are so smart and you know everything, well newsflash the world isn’t black and white. I can’t just pay someone off or sweet talk my way out of this one. It just won’t work, it is either swallow my pride or loss everything.” Her voice was raised and her hands shook, I shook my head hard moving towards her.
“No, fuck that.” She got up on her knees in the bed hands on her hips suddenly looking extremely sober. “There has to be something you can do, turn them in. Blackmail their asses right back. Something, but don’t roll over and play dead. That isn’t you.”
“What do you know about me?” She yelled and her eyes glistened. “You don’t know shit, so fuck you and the horse you rode in on.” I was suddenly leaning over her our faces inches from each other I could taste her breath on my tongue. The electricity rolling around like a thunder storm, I lowered my voice staring into her intense chocolate eyes challenging her.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Chapter 14 Sensual Inamorata
So fanfiction.net isn't working for me right now and I know everyone is begging for the chapter so I will post it here. Please follow me & comment.
Reviews make me smile like Edward’s kisses warm Bella.
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high and steal your pain
Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re nowhere
You’ve gone away.
You don’t feel me here anymore.
Broken - Seether
Chapter 14
“To Broken to Love”
Edward’s POV
I was fighting against time as I ran from the airport to a taxi that was parked and waiting for me. I could practically hear the ticks on my watch as the taxi slowly wound through the rainy streets at a pace that would put a granny to shame. I thought of her beautiful heart shaped face and all the things about her that I had missed. I had never missed anyone in my life, but I missed Bella. My whole heart and soul missed her and I hated it, but loved it. It was a strange sensation like everything was with Bella, it was new, raw, and completely out of control. Even with the strange sensations I loved her, I had realized that much, that I did indeed love Bella. Now I just had to hope that she felt the same or that she would one day feel the same. I knew how much she had been through and I never wanted to hurt her. I wanted to protect her, I wanted to save her.
After an hour and fifteen minute taxi ride I was finally in Alice and Jaspers driveway. As soon as the car slowed I threw an unknown amount of money at the taxi driver. Money didn’t matter in this moment, he didn’t matter, all that mattered was Bella. The rain didn’t phase me, the fact that my bags were tossed out by the driver didn’t phase me, my feet moved forward and through the front door. The New Years party was in full swing and they were getting ready to start the countdown to the New Year. I scanned the crowd as they started at ten, my eyes frantically searching for Bella.
“Nine.” Come on Bella, where are you?
“Six.”
“Five.”
Bella. Bella. Bella.
My eyes found her leaning against the back wall she looked sad and depressed, without thinking I ran to her and pulled her into my arms. Our eyes meet just as everyone chanted “one”. I didn’t think about it, I just brought my lips to hers and tasted her. The kiss was passionate and deep, I poured all my love into it. She kissed me back and I could taste her love also, but what else was I tasting. It took a moment for me to notice what it was, because the kiss was so magical, but as we pulled apart I recalled the taste. Whisky.
I looked into her chocolate eyes for an answer, but all that showed was love. The sadness and depression I saw moments ago covered by the magic that our kiss held. She was still lost in it, that I didn’t question her about the whisky. I didn’t want my first words to her to be accusations, I wanted her to know how I felt.
“I missed you.” The words came out in a whisper and Bella smiled tears coming to her eyes. Why was she crying. “I am sorry don’t cry.” I said quickly internally slapping myself thinking that it was too soon, too fast, and that I made a mistake. But then my heart warmed at the sound of her faint chuckle.
“No it is just I missed you too, but I didn’t think I would see you again.” Her voice broke and it broke my heart, I loathed myself for making her feel that way. I cupped her beautiful rosy cheeks and pressed my lips to hers just once, then pulled back. She was beautiful my memory had not done her justice, this beauty could not be envisioned.
“I couldn’t stay away Bella. All I thought of was you. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even breath without you. I know this all may be too much, too soon, but you have to know.” I paused taking a deep breath and staring into her longing chocolate eyes. “I am crazy about you, not in a stocker way, but in a your all I want kind of way.” Nothing I was saying was making sense even to me, but I hoped she got what I was saying. She smiled, a real smile. It was beautiful and instantly contagious. I pulled her to me and held her tight, she wrapped her arms around me and then her legs around my waist. She had a death grip on me and I hoped she would never let me go, because I sure as hell didn’t want to let her go.
This was our moment, the moment when everything seemed perfect, everything seemed right. I knew in sixty years I would remember this moment, but as all moments do it ended. Bella suddenly realized that she was wrapped around me with a room full of people and I let her fall from me and stand on her own feet again. I suddenly felt cold and lonesome. I wanted her wrapped around me again, I looked down into her eyes hoping she hadn’t realized this was a mistake. I was confused as to what I saw there, I could see the love, I could see she had missed me and that she had realized that that was our moment also, but there was something lingering in her eyes. It was plain as day to me even though she was doing her best to fight it. I could see her eyes were full of unshed tears, but not the happy kind that she had a moment ago. No these were the stressful, the worrisome, and the scared kind. I pulled her too my chest and held her tight against me running my hands down her long soft smooth hair.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered into her hair and I felt a sob escape her. I wanted to cry myself, I never cried, but seeing Bella like this I wanted to cry. I was slightly panicked I didn’t know what was wrong, I didn’t know what to do? I knew it wasn’t her usual pain, this wasn’t about Ethan, it may have had a little to do with him, but something else was going on. Then I realized the only other thing that could break Bella, the only other thing she had left. Her mother. I held her tight wishing the pain would just disappear, wishing that my arms were enough to protect her from it. God I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Bella. She was broken, but I planned to fix that. I planned to love her with all my heart and soul and hope that somehow I was the glue to put her back together. I glanced up from the top of Bella’s head to catch the eyes of some of my family. Emmett looked kind of shocked at my display of affection to Bella, because it wasn’t my style. Rosalie had a sweet motherly look as she watched me hold Bella and I was happy that she wasn’t judging. Alice and Jasper both looked as though they could cry, as if they knew I was soaking up Bella’s pain, as if they knew I was in love with her. Then the last set of eyes I landed on wasn’t my family, but it was Bella’s. Jacob stood hands clinched into fist, face red, teeth gritted tighter in anger. He was jealous, he stood frozen watching and hating it. I took a deep breath and turned back to Bella, he didn’t matter. His jealousy didn’t matter all that would matter from now on was Bella. My Bella.
I held her close to me being assaulted by the scent of strawberries and the natural clean pure smell of Bella. She was crying against me and I could feel her tears wetting my shirt, but I just held her tighter wishing the pain away. Wishing that with each tear it took some of her pain away, but I knew it wouldn’t. Her pain couldn’t just be taken away it had to be healed. I had to heal her.
“Everything alright here?” Jacob’s husky voice broke into mine and Bella’s little bubble. I wanted to punch him square in the nose, because at the sound of his voice Bella pulled away from me. She wiped the tears from her eyes and I could see Jacob’s hands clinching in and out of fist next to me as he tried to control his rage.
“It is fine Jake.” Bella said giving him a half hearted smile. I thought about the real smile she had given me moments ago and my ego stomped on Jacob’s. Because she had given me a real smile and all he got was a half hearted one.
This is ridiculous this isn’t a competition.
I thought to myself annoyed that I was letting Jacob enter into my personal business. Letting him mess up this reunion, this moment. This was about me trying to fix Bella and I was happy she had him when she needed him, but it was my turn. It was my turn to be there for her, to be the one she runs to.
“Ok well the clock struck midnight you meet your part of the bargain you ready to head out?” I had no idea what Jacob was talking about, but I wasn’t ready for Bella to leave. I wasn’t ready to be away from her again, I never wanted to be away from her again.
Damn Cullen fall fast and hard why don’t you.
“I could drive you.” I said quickly without thinking and then internally slapped myself as I remembered that I had taken a cab to get here. Bella looked between Jacob and I, then she nodded her head.
“Thanks. I am sure Jake wasn’t ready to leave anyway.” She smirked nodding to the small brunette that Jacob had been speaking to before.
“Bells.” Jacob’s tone was one of worry. He cut his eyes at me and then looked back to her softly, trying to make a point that he didn‘t like this.
“I am fine, Edward can get me home.” She smiled reassuringly and I smiled just at the way she said my name. It sounded like heaven coming off her lips, I never really liked my name until this moment. Jacob looked between the two of us for a second and then nodded his head.
“Alright call me and let me know how things are.” He told her sternly with a hint of sadness in his voice and then I remember that something had happened to her mother. I was sure her mother hadn’t passed, because I know she wouldn’t be here, but something was up.
“I am going to go grab my coat out of Alice’s room.” Bella said quickly giving Jacob a warning looking and then giving me a small smile. She turned almost hesitant to leave me, but I nodded in encouragement. Now I had to borrow someone’s car to take Bella in, because I didn’t have any transportation.
“Excuse me Jacob I have to go speak to Jasper for a moment.” I told him trying to avoid his annoying glare, but he held his hand out to stop me. I wasn’t sure why I hated this guy so much, but I did. For some reason I was just daring him to push me so I could hit him or break his hand that was now blocking my path.
“Look Bella has a lot going on right now and I don’t want you taking advantage of that. She is fragile and I won’t allow you to hurt her.” Jacob said once again, hadn’t he already warned me once or twice. Damn the boy has trust issues.
“I already told you Jacob, I am not going to hurt Bella. I just want to be there for her and I will be until she wants otherwise.” I used the best final tone I could, because I didn’t want to have this conversation with him again.
“Just making sure.” He tried to control himself, but I heard the hint of jealousy under his anger. I had a feeling that Jacob was just angry with the world, that perhaps it had nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t be sure. I also had a feeling within me that the hint of jealousy told me that Jacob didn’t see Bella as a sister as she saw him like a brother. My instincts told me that Jacob Black was in love with Bella Swan and had been for a really long time. I almost felt sorry for him, he loved her, he stood by her, but it didn’t look like he would ever have her in the way he probably dreamed of having her. I wanted to be sad about this, but I wasn’t. Because it was this fact that made it ok for me to love Bella, it made it ok for me to pursue things with her. Because I knew that Bella didn’t love him in that way, she only saw him as a friend, a brother. I said a quick goodbye to Jacob and made my way over to were Jasper and Alice stood with Rose and Emmett.
“Hey.” I said hoping they wouldn’t give me much shit, because I didn’t have time for it.
“Hello.” Emmett smirked and I rolled my eyes turning to Jasper.
“Can I borrow your car?”
“Sure thing.” Jasper said pulling out his keys and handing them to me.
“So what’s the story?” Rose asked as they all eyed me suspiciously.
“I will fill you all in later.” I informed them as I saw Bella entered back into the room, her eyes searching frantically until landing on me. A small smile playing on her lips, I couldn’t help, but smile back.
“Ooh, little bro has got it bad.” Emmett teased punching me in the gut. I turned my fiercest glare on him, but the warm and fuzzy feeling that Bella caused in me made a smile slip, causing them all to laugh at me. I said a rushed goodbye and joined Bella at her side, she gave them a small wave as we headed out. I held the door open for Bella and she gave me a small thankful smile, but the sadness, the fear, and the worry was still plain as day in her expressive brown eyes. I hated it, I wanted to erase it.
It was silent in the car as I drove slowly, really slowly to Bella’s house. I didn’t want to lose any time with her by driving fast, so I resisted the urge and drove at snail pace. I didn’t know what to say, where to start.
Did I mention the kiss? Did I ask her how she was? Did I ask about the mother? I used to never be this uncertain about myself, I used to just say whatever the fuck I wanted, but Bella had me speechless. I glanced over at her and caught her with her fingers pressed to her lips, a smile playing on them. I knew what she was thinking about, she was thinking about our kiss. I felt a slight warmness come to my cheeks.
Was I fucking blushing.
If it wasn’t official before, it was now, Bella Swan was going to be the death of me. I couldn’t go any longer without hearing her voice.
“So..” I paused trying to find something else to say, what the hell was wrong with me. I was in the car with the women I loved, but I couldn’t find anything to talk to her about. In truth I had a lot to talk to her about, a lot to ask her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“So.” She said putting her hands in her lap and glancing at me, a faint blush on her cheeks. “How long are you back for?” When she questioned me her tone was guarded, unreadable. I took a deep breath hoping that my answer was going to make her happy.
“Hopefully awhile.” She glanced at me looking hopeful and God I wanted so bad to make her hope and dream again.
“Really? What about California, your bar?” Ahh well not what I wanted to talk about, but it was better then silence. She looked truly worried like someone had stolen my dog or something.
“Not going to happen.” I sighed not wanting to talk about it, because I wanted to move forward now. I wanted to forget about the past, forget about work, and I wanted to build a future with Bella.
Was it too soon for me to be thinking like that? I hadn’t even taken the girl on a date and here I was wanting a future with her. It was official Bella had imbedded herself inside of me and I was being taken over by her. It was all about her.
“I’m sorry.” She said looking like it was the worst thing ever. I guess I had told her at one point that it was my dream place to have a bar, but I had a new dream now.
“Don’t be. It is for the best, plus now I can stick around here for awhile.” I smiled at her, I had told the girl I was crazy about her earlier, I had kissed her, I had seen love in her eyes, but here I was afraid to mention the future with her.
No matter how slow I drove the inevitable happened and I arrived at her house. I suddenly had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach like I was about to lose something so important to me. Like I could already feel the distance between us.
“Thanks for the ride.” She gave me a quick sad smile, but I wasn’t ready for her to go. I had to have plans for us to be together again, I couldn’t let the night end. I reached over and grabbed her arm, even through her jacket I could feel the electricity.
“Bella can I see you tomorrow?” I asked looking straight into her brown eyes, she smiled a little, but then it was like something suddenly occurred to her and she looked guilty.
“Edward, I would really love that, but..” She took a deep breath tears brimming her eyes and I suddenly wanted to wrap her into my arms and hide her from this cruel world. “my mom she..” Bella shook her head she couldn’t say the words and I wasn’t about to make her. I could get the information from my father, I pulled Bella into my arms and she let me. We stayed like that for awhile and I didn’t want to ever let her go, this was at the top of my favorite things to do. Hold my Bella. The very top of the list would have to be kiss my Bella, but I wasn’t sure when that would happen again.
“Shh it is ok Bella, you don’t have to tell me. I am here for you alright, if you need anything I am here. If you need a shoulder to cry on, hell I will cook and clean if that is what you need. It doesn’t matter how big or small I am here for you. My phone is always on for you, I am here for you.” I assured her holding her tight to me and wishing I didn’t have to let her go. But like every other thing tonight the time for this was up also and she pulled away with a whispered goodbye and I knew now that goodbyes were the worst thing invented. I watched her walk into her house and felt the separation from her, I felt empty without her around. I had never been in the need of anyone’s company before, but I needed Bella’s. I craved it. So it was decided before I even left her driveway that I would be coming back in the morning, I would make her let me help. I kind of felt like maybe I should wait for her to come to me, but I just couldn’t. Tomorrow I was going to be selfish and come to Bella. I was going to make her let me be there for her.
As I headed to Alice and Jasper’s a million questions ran through my head, which was nothing new with Bella. There was always questions and few answers, but I hoped that she would give me the time and I would get the answers. All I wanted from Bella was time. Time to love her. Time to know her.
As promised my family was waiting for answers when I returned and there was no way I could play it cool with the smile that was graced on my face. Even with all the worry for Bella I couldn’t help, but feel happy about the kiss we shared. It was like she gave me a part of her, she gave me a sign that she could love again. She could be whole again and I was going to take that part and run with it.
Bella’s POV
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Breath in. Breath out.
I was having some sort of panic attack and I didn’t know how to control it. I was pressed against the front door of my house as I tried to remember how to breath. I didn’t want to be happy, I didn’t want to be excited, but Edward Cullen had kissed me. I felt like a teenager freaking out about a kiss, but it was so perfect. So beautiful. So unexpected. My chest felt warmed and I felt something other then pain for the first time in a long time. I wanted to hope that Edward would be there, I wanted to hope that he would kiss me again. I wanted to hope that he would be mine, but I pushed the hope back. Hope was something I gave up on a long time ago, it was something I knew better then to believe in. Too many emotions, too many feelings were running through me and I had no idea how to control them. The night was almost a blur now the way my head was rushed with so much emotion and I realized now that it had turned into one of the top ten best nights of my life.
Jacob had practically dragged me out of my house promising me that we could leave as soon as it was the new year and I held that promise close. I didn’t want to leave my mothers side, it was painful to be away from her. I didn’t want something to happen and her need me. I didn’t want her to be alone, but she wasn’t my father was there, but still I wanted to be there for her like she had been for me in the past. But she forced me to go. So as we stepped out of Jacob’s car and towards Alice’s front door I started counting down the minutes until I could leave. Alice greeted us at the door with a ridiculous headband reading the new year on it and then she shoved one on top of my head. I smiled and did my best to be sociable, Alice seemed happier then the last time I saw her. She seemed to be coping well with Jasper’s pending deployment. After spending what I thought was a reasonable amount of time socializing (six and a half minutes), I headed into the kitchen to hang out (hide). It was in the kitchen that the night got even worse, it was in the kitchen that I thought I was going to have a melt down in front of all these people. It was in that kitchen that I wished someone was there to help me. I wished that someone was there to numb the pain, to make me feel something good. I wished for Edward, because as if the owl outside my bedroom window wasn’t bad enough Alice had a owl cookie jar sitting on her kitchen table with all the liquor surrounding it. I closed my eyes trying to control the pain, the fear, and all the negative memories. I tried to kick out Billy Black’s voice from when I was younger and he told me what an owl symbolized. I tried not to be superstitious, because it wasn’t me. But I was failing. I needed something to take the slight edge off, I needed to calm down.
“Hey, you look like you could use a drink.” I opened my eyes to see Emmett standing there with a shot glass in his hand, I stared at it torn. Because I wanted to drink it, I wanted to take the edge off, but I was scared that one drink would break everything I had worked for. “Come on it is just one little shot, it will help.” He assured me and I knew it would help, I was afraid it would help too much. But as the Owl cookie jar was glaring at me in my peripheral I decided that one drink couldn’t hurt. I could stop at one. I smiled taking the shot from Emmett and downing it, not even realizing it was straight tequila. It burned going down, but it was like I instantly curved a craving. It was like I instantly felt a little warmer.
“Wow, that was impressive.” Emmett chuckled downing two shots himself and nudging me before heading off. I didn’t look at the table or the other drinks, I just took a deep breath and headed back to the main room. I stood off to the side and watched everyone else. The one shot I had warmed me and though it wasn’t enough to get me buzzed, I felt like it relived the tension a little. So I stood there able to hold myself together, able to keep from breaking down, but I couldn’t hold the worry and sadness off. I just couldn’t push myself to be numb, but I held myself together. As all the happy carefree people in the room started counting down I just wished that I was curled up in my bed. I wished that I didn’t have to see them all so happy, so in love, so.. Everything I wasn’t and would never be. I wished that I had my heart and soul back, I wished that the last three years hadn’t been real. I wished I was curled up in bed with my son, I wished that my mother wasn’t sick and as I opened my eyes the last thing I was going to wish for was before.
I wished that Edward was here.
Before I could have a coherent thought I was in his arms his eyes were on mine and then his lips were on mine. I could feel the passion, he wasn’t hesitant he was giving me all of him. I felt him taking some of my pain, I felt him giving all of himself to me. His lips were soft, but hard. Cold, but warming. It was perfect, it was the best kiss I had ever experienced, there was so much emotion in it. It was too perfect and I never wanted it to end. I was scared that when it did end he would be gone. I was scared that I would break when the kiss broke apart. It did indeed end, but I didn’t break. I found strength in him, there was no way he could know that, but I did. Something about that kiss gave me strength, like I could make it another minute, another hour.
That feeling didn’t stay though, because as soon as I came down from my Edward endued high, as soon as I caught my breath, as soon as the panic attack was over. I was left alone, I was left in my house with my dying mother and my emotional inept father. It was then that the worst truth imaginable hit me it was then that I had to run to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet, because it was too much. Everything was too much.
Why couldn’t things be simpler? Why couldn’t that kiss had lasted forever? Why was the world against me? Why didn’t I just allow myself a moment of happiness and not feel guilty?
The truth was that I was damaged and broken. To broken for Edward Cullen or anyone else to love. These were the cards I was dealt no use in trying to defy them.
I pushed off the door and went to check on my mother. Her and my father were curled up on the hospital bed in our living room sound asleep. My fathers hand over my mothers heart, head on her shoulder, my mother had her hand wound into my fathers hair and they both had peaceful looks on their faces causing tears to roll down my cheeks. They were the picture of love and I hated the world, because it was going to ruin this picture soon.
I went to sleep with a thousand different questions on my mind and I knew that morning wouldn’t bring any answers or be any better. Because in the morning I would still be Bella Swan, damaged and broken. My mother would still be sick and my baby boy would still be lost from this world.
To my surprise the morning brought on warmness and happiness, which wasn’t expected. I felt warm, because of the sunshine that entered into my room. I felt happiness, because I could hear my mothers laughter echoing through the halls. It was beautiful and for a moment I forgot she was sick. I forgot that she was going to die. I pushed those thoughts back and focused on her laugh. I threw my blankets off me and made my way down the hall and stairs following the beautiful melody. I was surprised to see she wasn’t in her bed. She hadn’t been out of that bed for days, she had been to sick to move, but today the bed was made up and she wasn’t in it. I made my way towards the kitchen confused and stood frozen in the doorway. Tears sprang to my eyes and I had to hold onto the frame for support, the most beautiful sight sat before me. Low music played in the room a song that I had heard before, but never really paid much attention to.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
I listened and watched as my father twirled my mother around the floor in a almost graceful manor. As far as I knew my mother and father had never danced, not even on their wedding day. Charlie was like me a complete klutz dancing didn’t come pleasantly. But today I watched him gracefully twirl my mother around to the most beautiful song. My mother laughed and smiled happily, but that wasn’t the only thing that was beautiful in the room.
Edward stood leaning against the counter watching them with the most beautiful smile on his face and as his eyes meet mine, they shined loved. As I watched him watching my parents with love I fell for him all over again. The tears were chocked in my throat at the beauty of it all, the peacefulness flowed around me. Edward made his way over to me slowly and with purpose. A look of determination on his perfect face, he held his hand out to me and smiled.
“Bella can I have this dance.” My eyes widened and I glanced at my parents flowing across the kitchen floor beautifully.
“Go on Bella dear, Edward is a great dancer he taught us.” My mother smiled and tears formed in my eyes. Edward had taught my parents to dance, he had made one of my mothers dreams come true. She had dreamed of dancing with my father and now she was. I took Edward’s hand, there was no way I could deny him now.
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
Edward’s voice sang along with the words as he stared down into my eyes, his emeralds penetrating me. My heart swelled with love and I loved him even more. His gaze was too much, the emotion to strong so I rested my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating, I could hear his singing vibrate through his chest and I felt like I was home. His manly musk wrapped around me as his arms caged me and we moved gracefully across my parents kitchen floor right along with them. I closed my eyes focusing on Edward’s voice and my mothers cheerful laugh.
It seemed that each moment with Edward was going to top the next and I couldn’t help but hope that their would be more moments like this.
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
“Baby, I am amazed by you.” Edward finished the last line after the song ended and I looked up into his eyes hopeful. They didn’t disappoint as they reflected back the beauty of this moment, the intense emotion. It was strange to feel something good and for a moment I pretended that those lyrics were a future story line for Edward and I. I pretended that I could amaze a man like Edward, I pretended that I was his and he was mine.
“Thank you.” I whispered to him and he nodded smiling down at me.
“Oh Edward.” My mother gushed coming over to us looking almost healthy with a slight blush coloring her cheeks. I moved out of the way as she pulled Edward in for a tight hug. “Thank you so much I have always wanted to dance to that song with Charlie and thanks to you it was beautiful and both our toes are still intact.” She laughed pulling away from him and the look in his eyes, the care for my mother that showed made me love him more. I was recklessly in love with Edward and falling more for him by the moment.
“You’re a good man Edward, thank you.” My dad said patting Edward on the back and I smiled as I watched him shake my fathers hand. It was beautiful, magical.
My parents headed towards the living room to relax for a bit and I stood there staring at the most amazing man I had ever seen in my whole life. He was beautiful, he was caring, he was perfect. I wanted him so bad, I wanted him to love me and for me to just love him, but life wasn’t that simple. Edward stood over me and reached up brushing a fallen tear from my cheek.
“You are so beautiful.” He whispered as he leaned down to me, he was going to kiss me again. He paused just before reaching my lips as if asking for permission and I closed the distance. I didn’t need to think about it, I wanted to feel his lips on mine, I wanted to take whatever he would give me. This kiss was gentle, loving, and longing, but just as great as our passionate kiss last night. Edward’s tongue ran across my bottom lip and my mouth opened with a slight moan in response, our tongues danced together to the music in the background. Everything disappeared, I felt whole for the first time in nearly five years. The song that played tugged at my heart as Edward welded himself to me in a emotional way that can’t be explained.
There are objects of affection
That can mesmerize the soul
There is always one addiction
That just cannot be controlled
You are mine
You are mine
You are mine, all mine
You are mine
Edward spent the rest of the day with my parents and I. He kept us laughing and smiling the whole day, he was my addiction. My mother had a good day, my family had a good day and I had Edward to thank for that.
For a moment I felt like I could be loved, that maybe Edward could love me.
A/N: I really enjoyed this chapter and I hope you did as well, as always let me know what you thought and review please.
Songs in this chapter:
Broken - Seether
Amazed - Lone Star
You are mine - Mute Math
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I want to hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high and steal your pain
Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re nowhere
You’ve gone away.
You don’t feel me here anymore.
Broken - Seether
Chapter 14
“To Broken to Love”
Edward’s POV
I was fighting against time as I ran from the airport to a taxi that was parked and waiting for me. I could practically hear the ticks on my watch as the taxi slowly wound through the rainy streets at a pace that would put a granny to shame. I thought of her beautiful heart shaped face and all the things about her that I had missed. I had never missed anyone in my life, but I missed Bella. My whole heart and soul missed her and I hated it, but loved it. It was a strange sensation like everything was with Bella, it was new, raw, and completely out of control. Even with the strange sensations I loved her, I had realized that much, that I did indeed love Bella. Now I just had to hope that she felt the same or that she would one day feel the same. I knew how much she had been through and I never wanted to hurt her. I wanted to protect her, I wanted to save her.
After an hour and fifteen minute taxi ride I was finally in Alice and Jaspers driveway. As soon as the car slowed I threw an unknown amount of money at the taxi driver. Money didn’t matter in this moment, he didn’t matter, all that mattered was Bella. The rain didn’t phase me, the fact that my bags were tossed out by the driver didn’t phase me, my feet moved forward and through the front door. The New Years party was in full swing and they were getting ready to start the countdown to the New Year. I scanned the crowd as they started at ten, my eyes frantically searching for Bella.
“Nine.” Come on Bella, where are you?
“Six.”
“Five.”
Bella. Bella. Bella.
My eyes found her leaning against the back wall she looked sad and depressed, without thinking I ran to her and pulled her into my arms. Our eyes meet just as everyone chanted “one”. I didn’t think about it, I just brought my lips to hers and tasted her. The kiss was passionate and deep, I poured all my love into it. She kissed me back and I could taste her love also, but what else was I tasting. It took a moment for me to notice what it was, because the kiss was so magical, but as we pulled apart I recalled the taste. Whisky.
I looked into her chocolate eyes for an answer, but all that showed was love. The sadness and depression I saw moments ago covered by the magic that our kiss held. She was still lost in it, that I didn’t question her about the whisky. I didn’t want my first words to her to be accusations, I wanted her to know how I felt.
“I missed you.” The words came out in a whisper and Bella smiled tears coming to her eyes. Why was she crying. “I am sorry don’t cry.” I said quickly internally slapping myself thinking that it was too soon, too fast, and that I made a mistake. But then my heart warmed at the sound of her faint chuckle.
“No it is just I missed you too, but I didn’t think I would see you again.” Her voice broke and it broke my heart, I loathed myself for making her feel that way. I cupped her beautiful rosy cheeks and pressed my lips to hers just once, then pulled back. She was beautiful my memory had not done her justice, this beauty could not be envisioned.
“I couldn’t stay away Bella. All I thought of was you. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even breath without you. I know this all may be too much, too soon, but you have to know.” I paused taking a deep breath and staring into her longing chocolate eyes. “I am crazy about you, not in a stocker way, but in a your all I want kind of way.” Nothing I was saying was making sense even to me, but I hoped she got what I was saying. She smiled, a real smile. It was beautiful and instantly contagious. I pulled her to me and held her tight, she wrapped her arms around me and then her legs around my waist. She had a death grip on me and I hoped she would never let me go, because I sure as hell didn’t want to let her go.
This was our moment, the moment when everything seemed perfect, everything seemed right. I knew in sixty years I would remember this moment, but as all moments do it ended. Bella suddenly realized that she was wrapped around me with a room full of people and I let her fall from me and stand on her own feet again. I suddenly felt cold and lonesome. I wanted her wrapped around me again, I looked down into her eyes hoping she hadn’t realized this was a mistake. I was confused as to what I saw there, I could see the love, I could see she had missed me and that she had realized that that was our moment also, but there was something lingering in her eyes. It was plain as day to me even though she was doing her best to fight it. I could see her eyes were full of unshed tears, but not the happy kind that she had a moment ago. No these were the stressful, the worrisome, and the scared kind. I pulled her too my chest and held her tight against me running my hands down her long soft smooth hair.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered into her hair and I felt a sob escape her. I wanted to cry myself, I never cried, but seeing Bella like this I wanted to cry. I was slightly panicked I didn’t know what was wrong, I didn’t know what to do? I knew it wasn’t her usual pain, this wasn’t about Ethan, it may have had a little to do with him, but something else was going on. Then I realized the only other thing that could break Bella, the only other thing she had left. Her mother. I held her tight wishing the pain would just disappear, wishing that my arms were enough to protect her from it. God I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Bella. She was broken, but I planned to fix that. I planned to love her with all my heart and soul and hope that somehow I was the glue to put her back together. I glanced up from the top of Bella’s head to catch the eyes of some of my family. Emmett looked kind of shocked at my display of affection to Bella, because it wasn’t my style. Rosalie had a sweet motherly look as she watched me hold Bella and I was happy that she wasn’t judging. Alice and Jasper both looked as though they could cry, as if they knew I was soaking up Bella’s pain, as if they knew I was in love with her. Then the last set of eyes I landed on wasn’t my family, but it was Bella’s. Jacob stood hands clinched into fist, face red, teeth gritted tighter in anger. He was jealous, he stood frozen watching and hating it. I took a deep breath and turned back to Bella, he didn’t matter. His jealousy didn’t matter all that would matter from now on was Bella. My Bella.
I held her close to me being assaulted by the scent of strawberries and the natural clean pure smell of Bella. She was crying against me and I could feel her tears wetting my shirt, but I just held her tighter wishing the pain away. Wishing that with each tear it took some of her pain away, but I knew it wouldn’t. Her pain couldn’t just be taken away it had to be healed. I had to heal her.
“Everything alright here?” Jacob’s husky voice broke into mine and Bella’s little bubble. I wanted to punch him square in the nose, because at the sound of his voice Bella pulled away from me. She wiped the tears from her eyes and I could see Jacob’s hands clinching in and out of fist next to me as he tried to control his rage.
“It is fine Jake.” Bella said giving him a half hearted smile. I thought about the real smile she had given me moments ago and my ego stomped on Jacob’s. Because she had given me a real smile and all he got was a half hearted one.
This is ridiculous this isn’t a competition.
I thought to myself annoyed that I was letting Jacob enter into my personal business. Letting him mess up this reunion, this moment. This was about me trying to fix Bella and I was happy she had him when she needed him, but it was my turn. It was my turn to be there for her, to be the one she runs to.
“Ok well the clock struck midnight you meet your part of the bargain you ready to head out?” I had no idea what Jacob was talking about, but I wasn’t ready for Bella to leave. I wasn’t ready to be away from her again, I never wanted to be away from her again.
Damn Cullen fall fast and hard why don’t you.
“I could drive you.” I said quickly without thinking and then internally slapped myself as I remembered that I had taken a cab to get here. Bella looked between Jacob and I, then she nodded her head.
“Thanks. I am sure Jake wasn’t ready to leave anyway.” She smirked nodding to the small brunette that Jacob had been speaking to before.
“Bells.” Jacob’s tone was one of worry. He cut his eyes at me and then looked back to her softly, trying to make a point that he didn‘t like this.
“I am fine, Edward can get me home.” She smiled reassuringly and I smiled just at the way she said my name. It sounded like heaven coming off her lips, I never really liked my name until this moment. Jacob looked between the two of us for a second and then nodded his head.
“Alright call me and let me know how things are.” He told her sternly with a hint of sadness in his voice and then I remember that something had happened to her mother. I was sure her mother hadn’t passed, because I know she wouldn’t be here, but something was up.
“I am going to go grab my coat out of Alice’s room.” Bella said quickly giving Jacob a warning looking and then giving me a small smile. She turned almost hesitant to leave me, but I nodded in encouragement. Now I had to borrow someone’s car to take Bella in, because I didn’t have any transportation.
“Excuse me Jacob I have to go speak to Jasper for a moment.” I told him trying to avoid his annoying glare, but he held his hand out to stop me. I wasn’t sure why I hated this guy so much, but I did. For some reason I was just daring him to push me so I could hit him or break his hand that was now blocking my path.
“Look Bella has a lot going on right now and I don’t want you taking advantage of that. She is fragile and I won’t allow you to hurt her.” Jacob said once again, hadn’t he already warned me once or twice. Damn the boy has trust issues.
“I already told you Jacob, I am not going to hurt Bella. I just want to be there for her and I will be until she wants otherwise.” I used the best final tone I could, because I didn’t want to have this conversation with him again.
“Just making sure.” He tried to control himself, but I heard the hint of jealousy under his anger. I had a feeling that Jacob was just angry with the world, that perhaps it had nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t be sure. I also had a feeling within me that the hint of jealousy told me that Jacob didn’t see Bella as a sister as she saw him like a brother. My instincts told me that Jacob Black was in love with Bella Swan and had been for a really long time. I almost felt sorry for him, he loved her, he stood by her, but it didn’t look like he would ever have her in the way he probably dreamed of having her. I wanted to be sad about this, but I wasn’t. Because it was this fact that made it ok for me to love Bella, it made it ok for me to pursue things with her. Because I knew that Bella didn’t love him in that way, she only saw him as a friend, a brother. I said a quick goodbye to Jacob and made my way over to were Jasper and Alice stood with Rose and Emmett.
“Hey.” I said hoping they wouldn’t give me much shit, because I didn’t have time for it.
“Hello.” Emmett smirked and I rolled my eyes turning to Jasper.
“Can I borrow your car?”
“Sure thing.” Jasper said pulling out his keys and handing them to me.
“So what’s the story?” Rose asked as they all eyed me suspiciously.
“I will fill you all in later.” I informed them as I saw Bella entered back into the room, her eyes searching frantically until landing on me. A small smile playing on her lips, I couldn’t help, but smile back.
“Ooh, little bro has got it bad.” Emmett teased punching me in the gut. I turned my fiercest glare on him, but the warm and fuzzy feeling that Bella caused in me made a smile slip, causing them all to laugh at me. I said a rushed goodbye and joined Bella at her side, she gave them a small wave as we headed out. I held the door open for Bella and she gave me a small thankful smile, but the sadness, the fear, and the worry was still plain as day in her expressive brown eyes. I hated it, I wanted to erase it.
It was silent in the car as I drove slowly, really slowly to Bella’s house. I didn’t want to lose any time with her by driving fast, so I resisted the urge and drove at snail pace. I didn’t know what to say, where to start.
Did I mention the kiss? Did I ask her how she was? Did I ask about the mother? I used to never be this uncertain about myself, I used to just say whatever the fuck I wanted, but Bella had me speechless. I glanced over at her and caught her with her fingers pressed to her lips, a smile playing on them. I knew what she was thinking about, she was thinking about our kiss. I felt a slight warmness come to my cheeks.
Was I fucking blushing.
If it wasn’t official before, it was now, Bella Swan was going to be the death of me. I couldn’t go any longer without hearing her voice.
“So..” I paused trying to find something else to say, what the hell was wrong with me. I was in the car with the women I loved, but I couldn’t find anything to talk to her about. In truth I had a lot to talk to her about, a lot to ask her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“So.” She said putting her hands in her lap and glancing at me, a faint blush on her cheeks. “How long are you back for?” When she questioned me her tone was guarded, unreadable. I took a deep breath hoping that my answer was going to make her happy.
“Hopefully awhile.” She glanced at me looking hopeful and God I wanted so bad to make her hope and dream again.
“Really? What about California, your bar?” Ahh well not what I wanted to talk about, but it was better then silence. She looked truly worried like someone had stolen my dog or something.
“Not going to happen.” I sighed not wanting to talk about it, because I wanted to move forward now. I wanted to forget about the past, forget about work, and I wanted to build a future with Bella.
Was it too soon for me to be thinking like that? I hadn’t even taken the girl on a date and here I was wanting a future with her. It was official Bella had imbedded herself inside of me and I was being taken over by her. It was all about her.
“I’m sorry.” She said looking like it was the worst thing ever. I guess I had told her at one point that it was my dream place to have a bar, but I had a new dream now.
“Don’t be. It is for the best, plus now I can stick around here for awhile.” I smiled at her, I had told the girl I was crazy about her earlier, I had kissed her, I had seen love in her eyes, but here I was afraid to mention the future with her.
No matter how slow I drove the inevitable happened and I arrived at her house. I suddenly had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach like I was about to lose something so important to me. Like I could already feel the distance between us.
“Thanks for the ride.” She gave me a quick sad smile, but I wasn’t ready for her to go. I had to have plans for us to be together again, I couldn’t let the night end. I reached over and grabbed her arm, even through her jacket I could feel the electricity.
“Bella can I see you tomorrow?” I asked looking straight into her brown eyes, she smiled a little, but then it was like something suddenly occurred to her and she looked guilty.
“Edward, I would really love that, but..” She took a deep breath tears brimming her eyes and I suddenly wanted to wrap her into my arms and hide her from this cruel world. “my mom she..” Bella shook her head she couldn’t say the words and I wasn’t about to make her. I could get the information from my father, I pulled Bella into my arms and she let me. We stayed like that for awhile and I didn’t want to ever let her go, this was at the top of my favorite things to do. Hold my Bella. The very top of the list would have to be kiss my Bella, but I wasn’t sure when that would happen again.
“Shh it is ok Bella, you don’t have to tell me. I am here for you alright, if you need anything I am here. If you need a shoulder to cry on, hell I will cook and clean if that is what you need. It doesn’t matter how big or small I am here for you. My phone is always on for you, I am here for you.” I assured her holding her tight to me and wishing I didn’t have to let her go. But like every other thing tonight the time for this was up also and she pulled away with a whispered goodbye and I knew now that goodbyes were the worst thing invented. I watched her walk into her house and felt the separation from her, I felt empty without her around. I had never been in the need of anyone’s company before, but I needed Bella’s. I craved it. So it was decided before I even left her driveway that I would be coming back in the morning, I would make her let me help. I kind of felt like maybe I should wait for her to come to me, but I just couldn’t. Tomorrow I was going to be selfish and come to Bella. I was going to make her let me be there for her.
As I headed to Alice and Jasper’s a million questions ran through my head, which was nothing new with Bella. There was always questions and few answers, but I hoped that she would give me the time and I would get the answers. All I wanted from Bella was time. Time to love her. Time to know her.
As promised my family was waiting for answers when I returned and there was no way I could play it cool with the smile that was graced on my face. Even with all the worry for Bella I couldn’t help, but feel happy about the kiss we shared. It was like she gave me a part of her, she gave me a sign that she could love again. She could be whole again and I was going to take that part and run with it.
Bella’s POV
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Breath in. Breath out.
I was having some sort of panic attack and I didn’t know how to control it. I was pressed against the front door of my house as I tried to remember how to breath. I didn’t want to be happy, I didn’t want to be excited, but Edward Cullen had kissed me. I felt like a teenager freaking out about a kiss, but it was so perfect. So beautiful. So unexpected. My chest felt warmed and I felt something other then pain for the first time in a long time. I wanted to hope that Edward would be there, I wanted to hope that he would kiss me again. I wanted to hope that he would be mine, but I pushed the hope back. Hope was something I gave up on a long time ago, it was something I knew better then to believe in. Too many emotions, too many feelings were running through me and I had no idea how to control them. The night was almost a blur now the way my head was rushed with so much emotion and I realized now that it had turned into one of the top ten best nights of my life.
Jacob had practically dragged me out of my house promising me that we could leave as soon as it was the new year and I held that promise close. I didn’t want to leave my mothers side, it was painful to be away from her. I didn’t want something to happen and her need me. I didn’t want her to be alone, but she wasn’t my father was there, but still I wanted to be there for her like she had been for me in the past. But she forced me to go. So as we stepped out of Jacob’s car and towards Alice’s front door I started counting down the minutes until I could leave. Alice greeted us at the door with a ridiculous headband reading the new year on it and then she shoved one on top of my head. I smiled and did my best to be sociable, Alice seemed happier then the last time I saw her. She seemed to be coping well with Jasper’s pending deployment. After spending what I thought was a reasonable amount of time socializing (six and a half minutes), I headed into the kitchen to hang out (hide). It was in the kitchen that the night got even worse, it was in the kitchen that I thought I was going to have a melt down in front of all these people. It was in that kitchen that I wished someone was there to help me. I wished that someone was there to numb the pain, to make me feel something good. I wished for Edward, because as if the owl outside my bedroom window wasn’t bad enough Alice had a owl cookie jar sitting on her kitchen table with all the liquor surrounding it. I closed my eyes trying to control the pain, the fear, and all the negative memories. I tried to kick out Billy Black’s voice from when I was younger and he told me what an owl symbolized. I tried not to be superstitious, because it wasn’t me. But I was failing. I needed something to take the slight edge off, I needed to calm down.
“Hey, you look like you could use a drink.” I opened my eyes to see Emmett standing there with a shot glass in his hand, I stared at it torn. Because I wanted to drink it, I wanted to take the edge off, but I was scared that one drink would break everything I had worked for. “Come on it is just one little shot, it will help.” He assured me and I knew it would help, I was afraid it would help too much. But as the Owl cookie jar was glaring at me in my peripheral I decided that one drink couldn’t hurt. I could stop at one. I smiled taking the shot from Emmett and downing it, not even realizing it was straight tequila. It burned going down, but it was like I instantly curved a craving. It was like I instantly felt a little warmer.
“Wow, that was impressive.” Emmett chuckled downing two shots himself and nudging me before heading off. I didn’t look at the table or the other drinks, I just took a deep breath and headed back to the main room. I stood off to the side and watched everyone else. The one shot I had warmed me and though it wasn’t enough to get me buzzed, I felt like it relived the tension a little. So I stood there able to hold myself together, able to keep from breaking down, but I couldn’t hold the worry and sadness off. I just couldn’t push myself to be numb, but I held myself together. As all the happy carefree people in the room started counting down I just wished that I was curled up in my bed. I wished that I didn’t have to see them all so happy, so in love, so.. Everything I wasn’t and would never be. I wished that I had my heart and soul back, I wished that the last three years hadn’t been real. I wished I was curled up in bed with my son, I wished that my mother wasn’t sick and as I opened my eyes the last thing I was going to wish for was before.
I wished that Edward was here.
Before I could have a coherent thought I was in his arms his eyes were on mine and then his lips were on mine. I could feel the passion, he wasn’t hesitant he was giving me all of him. I felt him taking some of my pain, I felt him giving all of himself to me. His lips were soft, but hard. Cold, but warming. It was perfect, it was the best kiss I had ever experienced, there was so much emotion in it. It was too perfect and I never wanted it to end. I was scared that when it did end he would be gone. I was scared that I would break when the kiss broke apart. It did indeed end, but I didn’t break. I found strength in him, there was no way he could know that, but I did. Something about that kiss gave me strength, like I could make it another minute, another hour.
That feeling didn’t stay though, because as soon as I came down from my Edward endued high, as soon as I caught my breath, as soon as the panic attack was over. I was left alone, I was left in my house with my dying mother and my emotional inept father. It was then that the worst truth imaginable hit me it was then that I had to run to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet, because it was too much. Everything was too much.
Why couldn’t things be simpler? Why couldn’t that kiss had lasted forever? Why was the world against me? Why didn’t I just allow myself a moment of happiness and not feel guilty?
The truth was that I was damaged and broken. To broken for Edward Cullen or anyone else to love. These were the cards I was dealt no use in trying to defy them.
I pushed off the door and went to check on my mother. Her and my father were curled up on the hospital bed in our living room sound asleep. My fathers hand over my mothers heart, head on her shoulder, my mother had her hand wound into my fathers hair and they both had peaceful looks on their faces causing tears to roll down my cheeks. They were the picture of love and I hated the world, because it was going to ruin this picture soon.
I went to sleep with a thousand different questions on my mind and I knew that morning wouldn’t bring any answers or be any better. Because in the morning I would still be Bella Swan, damaged and broken. My mother would still be sick and my baby boy would still be lost from this world.
To my surprise the morning brought on warmness and happiness, which wasn’t expected. I felt warm, because of the sunshine that entered into my room. I felt happiness, because I could hear my mothers laughter echoing through the halls. It was beautiful and for a moment I forgot she was sick. I forgot that she was going to die. I pushed those thoughts back and focused on her laugh. I threw my blankets off me and made my way down the hall and stairs following the beautiful melody. I was surprised to see she wasn’t in her bed. She hadn’t been out of that bed for days, she had been to sick to move, but today the bed was made up and she wasn’t in it. I made my way towards the kitchen confused and stood frozen in the doorway. Tears sprang to my eyes and I had to hold onto the frame for support, the most beautiful sight sat before me. Low music played in the room a song that I had heard before, but never really paid much attention to.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
I listened and watched as my father twirled my mother around the floor in a almost graceful manor. As far as I knew my mother and father had never danced, not even on their wedding day. Charlie was like me a complete klutz dancing didn’t come pleasantly. But today I watched him gracefully twirl my mother around to the most beautiful song. My mother laughed and smiled happily, but that wasn’t the only thing that was beautiful in the room.
Edward stood leaning against the counter watching them with the most beautiful smile on his face and as his eyes meet mine, they shined loved. As I watched him watching my parents with love I fell for him all over again. The tears were chocked in my throat at the beauty of it all, the peacefulness flowed around me. Edward made his way over to me slowly and with purpose. A look of determination on his perfect face, he held his hand out to me and smiled.
“Bella can I have this dance.” My eyes widened and I glanced at my parents flowing across the kitchen floor beautifully.
“Go on Bella dear, Edward is a great dancer he taught us.” My mother smiled and tears formed in my eyes. Edward had taught my parents to dance, he had made one of my mothers dreams come true. She had dreamed of dancing with my father and now she was. I took Edward’s hand, there was no way I could deny him now.
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
Edward’s voice sang along with the words as he stared down into my eyes, his emeralds penetrating me. My heart swelled with love and I loved him even more. His gaze was too much, the emotion to strong so I rested my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating, I could hear his singing vibrate through his chest and I felt like I was home. His manly musk wrapped around me as his arms caged me and we moved gracefully across my parents kitchen floor right along with them. I closed my eyes focusing on Edward’s voice and my mothers cheerful laugh.
It seemed that each moment with Edward was going to top the next and I couldn’t help but hope that their would be more moments like this.
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
“Baby, I am amazed by you.” Edward finished the last line after the song ended and I looked up into his eyes hopeful. They didn’t disappoint as they reflected back the beauty of this moment, the intense emotion. It was strange to feel something good and for a moment I pretended that those lyrics were a future story line for Edward and I. I pretended that I could amaze a man like Edward, I pretended that I was his and he was mine.
“Thank you.” I whispered to him and he nodded smiling down at me.
“Oh Edward.” My mother gushed coming over to us looking almost healthy with a slight blush coloring her cheeks. I moved out of the way as she pulled Edward in for a tight hug. “Thank you so much I have always wanted to dance to that song with Charlie and thanks to you it was beautiful and both our toes are still intact.” She laughed pulling away from him and the look in his eyes, the care for my mother that showed made me love him more. I was recklessly in love with Edward and falling more for him by the moment.
“You’re a good man Edward, thank you.” My dad said patting Edward on the back and I smiled as I watched him shake my fathers hand. It was beautiful, magical.
My parents headed towards the living room to relax for a bit and I stood there staring at the most amazing man I had ever seen in my whole life. He was beautiful, he was caring, he was perfect. I wanted him so bad, I wanted him to love me and for me to just love him, but life wasn’t that simple. Edward stood over me and reached up brushing a fallen tear from my cheek.
“You are so beautiful.” He whispered as he leaned down to me, he was going to kiss me again. He paused just before reaching my lips as if asking for permission and I closed the distance. I didn’t need to think about it, I wanted to feel his lips on mine, I wanted to take whatever he would give me. This kiss was gentle, loving, and longing, but just as great as our passionate kiss last night. Edward’s tongue ran across my bottom lip and my mouth opened with a slight moan in response, our tongues danced together to the music in the background. Everything disappeared, I felt whole for the first time in nearly five years. The song that played tugged at my heart as Edward welded himself to me in a emotional way that can’t be explained.
There are objects of affection
That can mesmerize the soul
There is always one addiction
That just cannot be controlled
You are mine
You are mine
You are mine, all mine
You are mine
Edward spent the rest of the day with my parents and I. He kept us laughing and smiling the whole day, he was my addiction. My mother had a good day, my family had a good day and I had Edward to thank for that.
For a moment I felt like I could be loved, that maybe Edward could love me.
A/N: I really enjoyed this chapter and I hope you did as well, as always let me know what you thought and review please.
Songs in this chapter:
Broken - Seether
Amazed - Lone Star
You are mine - Mute Math
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Reviews make me smile like Edward’s kisses warm Bella.
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